If i fell into a blackened hole

boo bitches boo

Fri, 04 Feb 2005 19:48:47 GMT

its been a good couple weeks.

party over at jasons last saturday
which was so much fun.
sunday we were all still drunk when we went to work
monday was shannons birthday and we all went out
all us girls, and ofcourse jon, but i consider him a girl
hehe
and jason went too.
but other than that it was allll us girlies.

tuesday worked
then me, jen, bethany, steve, and danielle
took trays out onto the big hill and went sledding
totally against the rules
but it was way fun
i almost hit the wall for the tow rope
i had to jump ship
otherwise i woulda been holy hurt.

wednesday slept in real late,
went and took stuff from amys work
vegged out, then hung out with amy and the gang.

yesterday worked.
but it was decent.

i am so unbelievebly excited for my birthday
so far if everything goes good it will be the best yet.
Ben at work is throwing me a huge party at his house
theres gonna be turn tables and all kinds of shit.
and everyones going.
i have never felt so loved <3 <3
and sarah gave me the weekend off,
i swear almost the whole staff had asked for it off
but i had first dibs cus i asked first,
and cus its my birthday.

Valentines day will prolly suck but thats ok
i have plenty of valentines gettin me stuff
teehee, i swear ive told like 50 people to get me the same thing
but i bet none of them will get it so it doesnt matter.

i go to my first probation meeting on tuesday
yipppeeeee

i dont wanna go to work today.
ahhhhhhh!

ok peaces.
jenni

ishlibidish bitch

Thu, 13 Jan 2005 20:28:07 GMT

lately it seems like i have no control
and like nothing i do will ever work
and that because of the mistakes i have made
i will never be able to truly live life
and soon it will be over.
i feel my adolescence slipping through my fingers
every god damn fuckin day
and at the speed of light at that.

i just feel like i'll never be ahead.
and i will never be "truly happy"
and will i ever find one of those "forever loves"
one that will surpass 59 years of marriage
like the old couple i served the other week
will i ever be happy enough with another person
to spend the rest of my existence with them??????
i guess when you find that person
everything goes
and you dont question yourself..
i dunno...
im still young...
and this is exactly what im talking about
its like my mind set is not in teenager mode anymore
its in marriage and kids mode
but why??
and why is there only one person that i want and see my self
having kids with..
why??
and expecially when this person is probably
not a good choice to have kids with
cus hes a fucking ass hole.

i just pay the bills. like a good fucking bitch, huh?
thats all i am.

im looking into taking some classes at LCC
my mom says i finally have my head outta my ass

thanks mommy

i started back at mt brighton
i never realized how much i actually DID love it there
i guess you never realize what you have til its gone.

im SINGLE for the first REAL time in so long
its weird
not being at the beck and call of another human being
24/7
i mean, working, your at the beck and call of others
but atleast your getting paid for it
in relationships, its like you pay to be in one
and the more you get paid or "pay" the happier you seem
so i guess relationships are work in the sense
only more emotionally draining
and annoying
and fucking errrr
their not worth it.
i wanna find a relationship that isnt like work
you know
one where your just happy
just plain fuckin happy .

im seriously contemplating moving some where far
and some where differnt.

just to get away.

im tired of being what you want me to be.
i am just me.
take me or leave me.
you'll remember me either way.

love,
jenni

me loco essay

Sun, 02 Jan 2005 05:50:57 GMT

lately ive been contemplating alot of things.

i am almost 19 years old
and i still have not figured out
how to make time for everything
and everyone.

i feel like im the shittiest friend ever.

i need to find time for everyone and
i just feel like i never do.
and i feel like im hurting everyone in the meantime

ive become exactly what i hate about some people
and i dont want to be like this anymore.

ahhh the endless misery that is teenage life.

adukodfodiudiofuaop

im goin crazy

a fresh start

Thu, 18 Nov 2004 19:23:19 GMT

my first journal entry in my new journal.
ahhhhh
it feels like im having a fresh start or something
lol.

well im leavin.
i loveyou
bye.